Mission Four

I... I don't know what's happening to me.

I was so angry! And so violent. They had sixty of my people imprisoned on their ship! Sixty Quarians they were going to sell as slaves. It seems only fair that they be punished for that...

But the punishment is not mine to mete out. I shouldn't have reacted so violently. I shouldn't have let them get under my suit like that.

I wasn't even thinking straight! I charged ahead and opened up the door to the cargo bay without even thinking that the two Batarians on the other side might be ready for me. If the Lieutenant hadn't pulled me out of the way I might have been seriously injured!

I can't risk letting my emotions have this much control over me again. I must remain calm and in control. I need to spend more time meditating. Actually, that would be a good idea. Less time spent with certain crew members would bring me more peace of mind. It doesn't help at all that I feel constantly worried about what my own crew might do, instead of just focusing on the mission. Now that I think about it, the Lieutenant was with me for most of the trip here, as well as our mission on the Batarian ship... I can't let him be a bad influence on me! I'm supposed to be helping people be better! I have to be careful with how much time I spend around the less honourable members of my squad.

I shouldn't blame them, I suppose. Ultimately my actions are my decisions. It's not their fault. But I still need to be careful. A few days spent on my own, maybe talking to the Quarian we woke up from the pod - I forgot to ask his name! And K-QO, she's alright. But not around others...

I threatened a terrified Batarian in interrogation. What was I even doing in interrogation (and speaking of interrogations, the Geth revealed that the Lieutenant forced a prisoner to kiss that decapitated head he'd been carrying around on that first mission?? What is wrong with him?)? I don't belong there! I never know what to ask and I feel awkward and I freeze up. And I say mean things that I don't mean... I told him he was wasting air. Of course he wasn't wasting air! He's still a living being, and I owe him respect for that. Even if he makes horrible choices and deserves to die, it should still be done with respect.

Some small bit of good news, of a sort. The turian was in interrogation as well, and he doesn't seem to be completely dissolute. He kept his head and remained calm, and asked some very good questions. Maybe there are some other squad members who aren't crazy on this ship!

Either way I can not allow todays events to be repeated again. I will be better. I must be.