Mission Four

I... I don't know what's happening to me.

I was so angry! And so violent. They had sixty of my people imprisoned on their ship! Sixty Quarians they were going to sell as slaves. It seems only fair that they be punished for that...

But the punishment is not mine to mete out. I shouldn't have reacted so violently. I shouldn't have let them get under my suit like that.

I wasn't even thinking straight! I charged ahead and opened up the door to the cargo bay without even thinking that the two Batarians on the other side might be ready for me. If the Lieutenant hadn't pulled me out of the way I might have been seriously injured!

I can't risk letting my emotions have this much control over me again. I must remain calm and in control. I need to spend more time meditating. Actually, that would be a good idea. Less time spent with certain crew members would bring me more peace of mind. It doesn't help at all that I feel constantly worried about what my own crew might do, instead of just focusing on the mission. Now that I think about it, the Lieutenant was with me for most of the trip here, as well as our mission on the Batarian ship... I can't let him be a bad influence on me! I'm supposed to be helping people be better! I have to be careful with how much time I spend around the less honourable members of my squad.

I shouldn't blame them, I suppose. Ultimately my actions are my decisions. It's not their fault. But I still need to be careful. A few days spent on my own, maybe talking to the Quarian we woke up from the pod - I forgot to ask his name! And K-QO, she's alright. But not around others...

I threatened a terrified Batarian in interrogation. What was I even doing in interrogation (and speaking of interrogations, the Geth revealed that the Lieutenant forced a prisoner to kiss that decapitated head he'd been carrying around on that first mission?? What is wrong with him?)? I don't belong there! I never know what to ask and I feel awkward and I freeze up. And I say mean things that I don't mean... I told him he was wasting air. Of course he wasn't wasting air! He's still a living being, and I owe him respect for that. Even if he makes horrible choices and deserves to die, it should still be done with respect.

Some small bit of good news, of a sort. The turian was in interrogation as well, and he doesn't seem to be completely dissolute. He kept his head and remained calm, and asked some very good questions. Maybe there are some other squad members who aren't crazy on this ship!

Either way I can not allow todays events to be repeated again. I will be better. I must be.

Mission Three

These Salarians really went too far! Nothing excuses the experimentation they have done, especially their intent to do it to children!
I went into their computer systems looking for more information on other posts, who had ordered this heinous act, anything.
They have had absolutely no contact with the outside world since they arrived. Not a trace of a clue! I had no choice but to go into interrogations with an Asari and the Krogan. The scientist seemed to believe he is indoctrinated, as is every other life form, into doing whatever the reapers want. I cannot accept that. His claim that the Salarian government does not know of his experiments may be true, but we shall see. We are headed to Sur'Kesh next to meet with another scientist who had been working with this one. I hope we do not find his methods were as vile as this teams.

Mission Two

I am uncertain if our most recent mission has improved my opinions of my squad or not. We went to check on a research base and decided to ask around on the nearby planet first. Luckily we did, the humans there were being used as test subjects by the salarians - and they were doing it willingly! The commander sent the lieutenant and I to the hospital to check on the recent influx of mental and comatose patients. I was not very happy with this team as I do not trust the lieutenant. He killed a man today by punching his throat and then...I'm not really certain what it was he was trying to do with the body afterwards. One of the Asari said he was trying to help, but I do not understand how. Humans are very strange. Regardless, I was very cautious on this expedition with him. I managed to get scans of the patient's brains, but the lieutenant was predictably useless in deciphering them so we took them back to our ship's doctor. It seems the humans on this colony were right and the salarians did not lie about everything - they do have reaper nanites in their brains. And so do all of us. They don't seem to be doing anything currently though, so I'm not sure what their function is, or was. Further research is necessary.
The worst part of today was discovering that the humans had given their children to the Salarians to experiment on. What kind of monster does that? I'm more repulsed by the Salarians though, for manipulating them and doing the experiments in the first place. At least we got here in time to stop them from hurting the children. An Asari seems very concerned about them and should protect them when we get them out. I must warn her to keep the  lieutenant away from them.

Mission One

I met my new team today. They are not what I expected. Perhaps joining the alliance was a mistake? I should have listened to my father.

I thought that joining would allow me to find or do something to earn my place among my people and complete my pilgrimage. I didn't expect to find....this. The individuals I fought with today were disturbing. I do understand the necessity of combat when enemies are trying to take over our ship, but this! Keelah, their fighting methods are disturbing. The lieutenant decapitated an unconscious soldier and carried the head around! I must hope the remainder of my squad has more in common with our ships AI, K-QO. She seems alright. Otherwise I don't know what I'll do; it would be dishonourable of me to leave but... Even if the rest are more like the krogan than the lieutenant - the krogan at least eventually let me remove the body from his axe.